I wanted to post about something I'm excited about this weekend... I'm walking (WALKING) in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this Saturday in Salt Lake City, Utah. I've been wanting to do this since I was diagnosed with breast cancer almost 2 years ago - it's been kind of a goal for me. But, last May, I was recovering from my reconstructive surgery (that was 4 days before the race). I was still in bed! So, this year, I send out an email to all of my friends and family to ask for their support in walking with me this May. I got exactly one response. ONE. From my sister, Kristin. So, it's me and Kris. One of my friends, Barbara Morrell, gave me some money to donate to the walk, so I donated that. Thanks Barb! I just posted a comment on facebook, about no one walking with me. I probably just offended, like, 100 people. Oh, well. Whatever. I just can't understand why it's such a big deal to take maybe 1 1/2 hours of their whole day to support me! Geez!
I'm excited for the walk - don't really know what to expect, but it will be pretty cool to be there with 1000s of breast cancer survivors and supporters. Kris and I will probably wimp out and do the mile and a half instead of the 5K. That's ok. Next year we'll be able to do the 5K. Rick even offered to come with me if I agreed to walk the 5K (which is weird - he never likes to do any of the Breast Cancer support stuff - I think he's just sick of breast cancer). But, I'm not sure if I can do it, and Kris's back is pretty bad, so I know she can't do that long of a walk.
One more thing...
I've decided to get a tummy tuck later this year. Yep. There are several reasons behind this decision. I've learned that belly fat is REALLY bad for your health. It can really hurt your organs. When I needed to have reconstructive surgery on my chest, I wanted to get the surgery where you take the fat from your stomach and transfer it up to make your new boobs. But, my surgeon said that he didn't think I'd be happy with the results, and that we should do it another way - with implants. I'm really glad I did it that way, but I have to admit I was disappointed. I could have had a boob job and a tummy tuck all at once, AND my insurance would have paid for it! Of course, the pain would have been awful, and the recovery would have be horrendous. My surgeon said, "Let's worry about your chest first, and then we can do the stomach later." So, now I've got a job, and I'm saving money. I think I can get rid of my butt and legs with walking, but how do you get rid of your stomach?! Especially when your body is completely screwed up from cancer and you just can't lose anything, no matter what you do?? Plus, apparently my muscles were so stretched out from all of the kids I had, that they need to be repaired - sewn back together. And if I lose a bunch of weight, I'll still have all of this skin that is stretched out. I think I'm going to try to have this surgery without telling people. My family will know, and my sister, because she will come to help me. But, I don't think I'll tell anyone else (except all of you - Haha!). I don't want people judging me. My reasons are good ones - it's not all about looks. I'm really stressed about the damage that it's doing to my organs. I don't want to have survived cancer, and then have a heart attack or something else go wrong. And, I'm so TIRED of always wishing I looked better, and never being able to make it happen. I've just had it with being uphappy about the way I look. What do you think?
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